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Hrmm...
So, it occurs to yours truly that I use my blog as more of a journal than a blog. I generally only post when something worthwhile happens...instead of everday. WTF, a blog is supposed to be filled with the mindless shit that makes up my day! Why haven't I been utilizing my poor blog properly? Honestly? I dunno. So, I'm going to fix it! Be prepared for random photo's, updates on what kind of mail I get, and various other shit. I mean, hell, why freakin' not? Blogged with Flock
Trial & Error.
Buah. Trying out a new browser that's built around socialization and interwebbers stuff: Flock. It has built in Photo-pulling from PhotoBucket & Flickr (which is kick ass because those are the two that I use), Blogging tools built-in (which I'm testing), and other kinky shit that makes me have joygasm's because it's right up my little net-geek alley. So, this is merelya test. No one have a shitfit. -Manda Blogged with Flock
It's About Time.
As we all know, my apron strings are not only still firmly in place, they're fucking double knotted, sewn together, and wrapped around me like I'm some kind of fishing pole. Don't get me wrong, this isn't all my mom's fault, and honestly, I'm grateful to her for helping me and carrying me as long as she has. But it's time to be out on my own. It's time to either sink or swim---on my own. So, Adam and I are moving to St. Louis, hopefully at the end of January. I'm very frightened, not because I think we're going to faile, but because I'm going to be six hours away from my mom and brother. Mikey is the most important person in the world to me, followed by Manda, Adam, & Mom. You do the math. Two of the four most important people in my world are going to be six hours away >.< Yeah, that's right. I'm nervous as hell about how freaky I'm going to get without my brother. On the bright side --- I will be closer to Manda! And just to assure everyone now: No, Manda is NOT the reason I'm moving. She plays a part in it, but I'v ethought about moving to St. Louis since I was 13, and have badgered my mom about it for years. She wouldn't budge. Well, I've been a legal adult for over a year now. It's time to start living my own life. I will admit, Manda's visit did help inspire some of this, because when I was with her, I realized I had to start doing the things that I want to do, regardless of the consequences. Chopping off all my hair and having to accept that no matter what it looked like, I was stuck with it, was very terrifying, and it really nudged me forward. Money's going to be tight, and it's going to be scary learning to balance everything and keeping it all together, but I honestly believe I'm capable of doing it. I mean, for crying out loud, I'm an intelligent adult, if I can't handle it, then I need shot in the damned head. So, yes, hopefully, in the next 5 months, yours truly will be in St. Louis. Wish me luck, boys and girls. -Manda
I Miss You...
So, I'm sitting here in tears. Manda just signed off for the night...and yeah...I just miss her so much more than I htought I would. Don't get me wrong, I missed her so much last night....but just....yeah, just talking to her tonight and stuff, it's just like...godamnit.... I know we can't be together, and I know she's so far away...and I know I just have to accept that. But part of me wants to do everything I can to move my happy ass to St. Louis and then beg her to be with me. But that would be the most selfish thing I could ever do. And it'd be so freakin' unbelievably wrong, it's not even funny. She has dreams, she has goals, I can't hold her back from thos ethings. I don't want to hold her back, that's the last thing I'd ever want to do. I just love her so much, and I Just wish...things could be like they were forever. She's just the most amazing person in the world, and I love her more than....just more than I ever thought I could. Four years ago....I didn't have a fucking clue what I was getting myself into. And I'm really, really glad I didn't. It'd been such an adventure with Manda. We've went through so much together and the love between us is just amazing beyond all reason. I love her so much, and I always will, no matter what. She's my baby girl, and nobody can ever take that away from us. Now, I'm going to go lay on the trampoline and stare at the stars for awhile. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 "I'm counting the signs, and cursing the miles in between....oh....but home....is a feeling I buried in you, that I buried in you......I'm alright, I'm alright...it only hurts when I breathe, I'm alright, I'm alright....it only hurts when I breathe..." - Melissa Etheridge, Breathe -Manda
It Only Took 4 Years.
Anyone who reads this blog knows, or SHOULD know about my best friend / ex-girlfriend, Manda. We've known eachother for almost four years (It'll be four years as of October 21st), and we've been through hellacious ammounts of shit together. But, every time we planned to meet, something got in the way. Until now. We'd been making plans for awhile for her to come down here the weekend after my birthday, but we were still holding our breath, knowing that usually, our plans got thwarted. Well, this time, they didn't. Friday evening, Mom & I drove to Hollister, Missouri, about a little over an hour from our place, to meet Manda. She was driving down from St. Louis, where she attends college, and we didn't want her to get lost in the backass Arkansas woods, so we were meeting here there, and then Mom was going to drive back, and I was going to drive with Manda and navigate. It worked out perfectly =D Manda & I were talking on the phone as Mom & I arrived, and Mom saw her before I did, and like, as we pulled into the parking lot, I DOVE out of the Aztec and ran to meet her. We were in an insta-hug! Trying to detail out every single detail would take me like....a whole lot of stress, because I need to write it in my journal anyways, and I'm kind of bumming because she left a few hours ago, and like....I don't want to focus too much on everything right now, but it was absolutely amazing. Better than I ever thought it could be. We've loved eachother for years and yeah..we just can't be together. It'd be great, but both of us have our lives to live, but it was still awesome getting to see eachother, because whether we can be together or not, we're still best friends, and the love between us is amazing, and it's just....awesome. But...anyways...for details... Yesterday we went out and we were planning to get our noses pierced and get my hair cut, and as we were leaving, Adam handed me money and was like "Do you want your birthday present? Are you going to be brave about it?" and I said "Huh?" and he said "Go get your tatto." So, we got to Wild Child's, which is the tatto place our family goes to because the owner, Wild Child, has been a family friend for YEARS and YEARS, since we first moved to Arkansas when I was 3, and there is just no one else I'd have trusted that much. The tatto Adam was referring to is the Butterfly tatto I've had planned for years...since around the time I met Manda. It's based off of Jimmy Eat World's song "For Me This Is Heaven". There's a line that says "Can you still feel the butterflies?" and I used the butterflies to remind me of another line in the song: "If I don't let myself be happy now then when." I got them on the inside of my left forearm, because I see that part of my body a lot, and it's a constant reminder. There are also other meanings attatched to it now, but yes...anyways........ Manda's always known about that one....so it was awesome having her there holding my hand while I got it done. *laughs* There are three butterflies, which are, histarically enough, modeled after the butterflies on Manda's car-seat covers (they were the exact type of butterflies I wanted, and I didn't have a picture, so we took a picture of Manda's car-seat covers, lol). They are, starting from the top, teal, purple, and pink. (^-^) It didn't hurt like I thought it would. It seriously was not bad at all, and I can't wait to get my other tatto's done. Manda decided she didn't want to get pierced after all, so then we went to get my hair cut. I was more nervous about getting my hair lopped off than I was about getting inked, lol. But....I took printed pictures of Questionable Content's Faye (my favorite character) that Manda had printed out for me 'cause I was out of ink, showed them to the beautician, and voila. My hair is poofed. Here is the proof:  There goes my ass-length hair.  Then we came home and yes....things were just awesome. *big smile* Now, I'm off to dye my hair and cry my eyes out. I miss her like hell. -Manda Oh. P.S. As of the 7th, I'm 19. WTF! I'm working on 20 O.O |
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