So some things have happened that I suppose I really should talk about, even though some of them are things I wish I could forget.

#1 - I'm skipping this semester. It's all around easier for and better for my family, myself, and my grades. So, I'm doing what i feel is best for my career.

#2 - On August 18th, my grama had a heart attack and almost died. Now, as anyone who knows me or has read my blog knows...my grama and I generally don't get along. Sometimes she can be very cool, but a lot of the time she's a heinous bitch. All of that aside, I love her. She still has a good heart somewhere in her and for that I was terrified of losing her.

But, thankfully, by the time Mom, Dan, Adam, & I arrived at the hospital (about an hour and a half after Gram had been takent here mid-attack by Tim, my cousin's husband)....she was already out of surgery and doing wonderful. (They did an emergency catherization on her.)

I was basically in one long panic attack from the minute I was told, until well, I went to sleep that night. It just didn't end. Even when I saw her, it didn't go away. It lessened only slightly, because I was finally able to cry. I started crying when I saw her, but as I was leaving her room after talking to her for a bit and telling her how much she scared us and I love her.....I started sobbing. I couldn't stop.

We were only allowed back 3 at a time, and Mom and went with my aunt and my aunt's boyfriend beforehand, so when I went back, it was Dan, Adam, & I. And as I was walking back to where Mom was waiting for us, I was sobbing, and Mom asked me why I was crying and I just said "I'm just so fucking thankful she's okay."

This is....saying a lot considering how very often my grandmother and I have issues...but she really is a good person, she's just very, very fucked up. And honestly, I know why. Psychologically, I know exactly why she has become the person she has due to the circumstances in her life. But, she also has made choices to allow it to continue. My mom should be some kind of prostitute doing mass ammounts of drugs by the way her life has been, but she's not because she chose not to me. My grama could make different choices, but she doesn't, and I just love her anyways. 'Cause, ya' know, what else do you do?

#3 - Well, I don't want to say too much because...it's still too soon. But once again, your struly has apparently gotten into the knack of making friends again. And, maybe, possibly...something a little farther than friends. Been awhile since *that's* happened, no? So..I'm not saying too much for now, but basically I've been walking around giddy and stupid. Woot. It's nice to have some new friends, especially ones I can be close to...and other things are always nice, too (^-^)

-Manda

posted by Manda @ 12:51 PM+

*smiles* Hey, dear. I love the blog - permanantly bookmarked, now. Expect to hear from me on here more often.

~M

# posted by  Anonymous : 11:47 PM

 

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