So...I've been doing a lot of thinking about time, which isn't real surprising considering that not only am I about to go visit my Mom's side of the family for the first time in eight years (and I'm not talking my immediate family, I'm talking great aunts, great uncles, mom's cousins, etc.), I'm headed to Pridefest again, and after that, I'm going to spend some time with Phil in Texas.

Now, let's revise here.

Eight years since I've seen the majority of my family. That alone spells "holy fuck, time flies." We moved to Arkansas when I was 10. Now, the three years between that and meeting Philip, Michael, and my other friends seemed like a fairly long time. I went from being a kid to a miniature woman in my mind.

Five years later, and I'm still friends with those guys, and the time has flown so quickly it's not even funny. Shit, I've been with Adam for three years this August. I mean, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

The older you get, the quicker it goes. It it some kind of ploy by God to screw with our heads, or what? Is it because we see everyone growing up around us and don't realize that we, ourselves, are growing up in the process?

I mean, sometimes I sit back and think "Wow, my friends have come a long way", and then I look at myself and go "Wait a minute, so have I."

One of the most enlightening experiences for me is going back and reading my old OpenDiary. I started it about two months after I met Philip, Michael, & Nick on EQ, and it's fucking scary to look back at me as a scared, psychotic little 13 year old.

Don't get me wrong, life still intimdates me, I'm still psychotic, and I've only grown a whole two inches in five years, but there are so many differences.

I'm more jaded, less innocent, sadly. And yet, I act less uptight and less mature, because I realized: I don't have to be thirty as a teenager. I have full rights to fuck off and do my thing, because it's my life and nobody else's.

It's really quite peculiar. But, anyways..

The point is...it just kind of dawns on me now and then how far my friends have come, how far I've come. How different life can be.

Is it a good thing? I think so. I'm definately a much happier person than I was at 13. Given, I've still got issues. I still have deppression. But, there is one thing that I no longer doubt: That I have people that love me.

My friends are still my friends after years of drama, distance, and bullshit. Adam still loves me after almost three years of living with me day-in-and-day-out. My mom and I have walked through hellacious shit together, and come out as better people, and closer than ever.

At the end of the day, I may have my issues, and time may fly, but I have people who love me. And that is something I never would have learned without lots and lots of time.

posted by Manda @ 4:17 PM+

c.c
<.<
*hug!* ^_^
yes, time does fly as you get older. it's almost time for our one year wedding anniversary.. I can't believe it. O.O

# posted by  Anonymous : 3:36 PM

 

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