Not again. Not fucking again. *sigh* Let me explain.......

When I was 8, my mom had an inoperable brain tumor. She was, literally, miraculously healed. It's a long story, but to say the least, she's a walking miracle. Well...

My mom has two older sisters, Terri is the oldest, my Godmother (my middle name, Lee, is in honor of her middle name). Tammy is the 2nd oldest. And then my mom is the baby. My Uncle CJ was between aunt Tammy & Mom. But, as we all know, he passed away when I was 3.

Now...my brother, myself, and my 4 cousins have been raised like siblings practically.

Now, here's how *OUR* generations little hiarchy goes:

Nikki - Oldest. 23. Aunt Terri's daughter.
Lexi - 2nd Oldest. 19. Aunt Terri's 2nd daughter.
Jay - 3rd Oldest. 18. Aunt Tammy's son.
Me - 3rd youngest. 17.
Mikey - 2nd youngest. 10. My brother.
Charlie - Youngest. 7. Aunt Tammy's 2nd son.

Anyways, now that you know the ranks....

You can tell...Nikki, Lexi, Jay, & I are the close ones. Mikey & Charlie are close to eachother, but not really the rest. Charlie's close to Jay, Mikey's close to me, but niether are real close to Lexi & Nikki.

For 7 years, it was just Nikki, Lexi, me, & Jay. Our little pack. Especially us 3 girls, since, from the time me and Jay were 3, my aunt Tammy stayed in Arkansas. Period. Aunt Terri bounced, and so did Mom. But Mom & Aunt Terri were usually in the same place. Well...

*Sigh* Nikki's done some fucked up shit. She molested me as a kid, and has had a lot of problems. She's been sexually abused and really hurt too, and yeah. When I came out about her molesting me, it was a nightmare, and yeah, most of you who read this know the story. So I won't get into it, but...

Earlier this evening, Lexi came in talking on her cell phone with my mom (mom's in Texas, obviously).....and *sigh* She's telling Mom how Nikki has 3 brain tumors....*bites lip* They were doing an MRI because she's been having problems with her neck being screwed up. And while Nikki is a hypocondriac, for once, she was worrying about the wrong god damned thing. *curls up in a corner* She also has Cushings Disease, which is what my endocrinologist thought I might have, but found out that no, I really do have PCOS.

*Sigh* Anyways, this would explain a lot of Nikki's deppression issues and shit and just yeah....

I hereby take back every mean thing I ever said, everything I ever did that was mean. Any hitting, name calling, or making of life miserable. I take it back. And I'm so fucking sorry and I just.....I wish to the Goddess that there was some way.....I could fix her. That I could make her better. I'd give almost anything to make her better. I don't know if they're malignant or benign, they have to do tests to find out. But, the one is right at the base of her brain, where it conects to her spinal cord and it's slowly cutting her nervous system off from her brain. Her doctor told her that the next thing that would happen is the loss of her arms and hands.

She has a two year old son, my "nephew", Cody to take care of. (I told you, we were raised like siblings).

Please, please....if you're reading this, throw up a few quick prayers to whatever the hell you believe in. And if you're an Athiest, just throw out some wishes. Please guys, she needs all the prayers she can get right now, and I really really really would appreciate knowing there's a few others out there hoping for her.

*Sighs* Adam found out from Nikki's neighbour who came in to buy a can of chew. He didn't know if it was true, and when I called this morning to tell him and basically finally break down sobbing, he told me he'd found out abou tit, but hadn't been sure if it was true. Well, I confirmed it and just yeah, he's really really upset as well. He and Nikki aren't good friends, and he gets pissed at her for being rude to me, but he still cares abou the rand loves her and yeah.

Please, please....*curls up in the corner* Do something, Lady...please...

*sigh* Like I said, please pray for her guys. And if you have the time, a few quick words for my family and their sanity (especially my aunt Terri & Lexi) would really be appreciated.

*wonders off to go to sleep before she goes nuts*

Loves,
Manda

posted by Manda @ 6:24 AM+

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