I hate the fact that EVERY person in my life has to do SOMETHING to fuck it up. Even if it's something little, every one of them has done something to hurt me or make my life worse. No matter how wonderful they are

I fucking hate my mother. All she's done is tear my heart apart.
I fucking hate him. Because he understood me, and then walked away.
I fucking hate Dylan. Because I loved him until I couldn't love anymore, and he left me for someone else and killed a part of me.

I fucking hate my life, because it has no point, no meaning. I have no reason to exist, and I hate it. I don't want to be alive anymore.

It's one thing to want to die. It's another to just not want to be alive anymore.

I want to kill someone. I want to tear someone's fucking heart out and watch it beat in my hand and then squeeze it, knowing I took that from them. Knowing I killed them. I want to fucking slit my throat. Why? Because it's so much easier than killing someone else, and I would never want to hurt another person like that, except my mom. She's done worse to me.

She left me alive, to feel the pain for years.

Killing me would have been nicer.

I want to die. I'm so god damned tired of all of this pain, the self loatheing, the self doubting, the tears. The hatred for myself. The sadness. The loneliness.

I hate it. I hate me. I hate my life.

I want to be dead. I want to see nothing but black. I want it to all go away.


posted by Manda @ 10:40 PM+

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